Fear

An interesting emotion. It can save lives (authentic) or destroy them (inauthentic). It can be in your face or attack so subtly that you don't realize it for weeks, months, even years.

Disappointment

Disappointment comes in many shapes and forms. The most hurtful may well be when a friend turns on you. Are you ever able to let go? How do you move on when you still have to share with this person? When you have mutual friends? Do you divide them up like books? Are there any answers?

Bentley

I wish you could meet Bentley. He's one of the big reasons I still enjoy putting pen to paper. He's sleek and just glides across the paper leaving a trail of ink. He's not any louder than the clicking of keys, but he's not quiet either. There's a soft scratching sound that he makes when he's in action...It reminds me of my Dad's office.

Maybe part of my adoration for him is nostalgia. No matter. He's still my Bentley. Is it strange that my favorite pen has a name? I don't seem to mind that he's high maintenance--cleaning, rinsing, refilling--he's worth it. Every time I clean him out I go through a period where I just have to write with him. My journal is filled with

"Now is the time for all good men to come to the aid of their country,"

and

"The quick brown fox jumped over the lazy dogs."

Time

Time. Why is it that there never seems to be enough of it? Are our lives really too busy? Or do we just have time management issues? Until recently, I would have said the later, but lately, I'm starting to wonder. I find myself these days with "extra" time on my hands. As I've set about taking on some projects to fill that time, I find myself not having enough. Am I overextended? Have I become so accustomed to not having enough that I can't function unless I feel that I'm crunched for time? My to-do list keeps getting shorter, but I don't have any more time. What is this mysterious concept? Why do I feel enslaved to it? How do I make it stop?

Hopes and Shattered Dreams: Remembering Dallas

Eerie...this event that I've heard people talk about my entire life and now I'm here in the place where it happened. Forty-five years and there are still no answers. Some of the road signs are gone, others have changed, but overall Dealey Plaza is essentially the same as it was in November of 1963, the collonades, built by the WPA between 1938 and 1940, the wooden fence on the top of the grassy knoll, and overlooking it all, the old Texas School Book Depository. Some of the views have become obscured, the trees are 45 years older after all, but many remain. The 6th floor sniper's nest, now part of the Sixth Floor Museum, has been plexied off and stacked with boxes to give you the illusion that it is a place frozen in time.

Floors 5-7,Texas School Book Depository

Dealey Plaza and the Grassy Knoll

There are X's painted on the street meant to represent where the car was when the President was shot. People, a large number of whom either weren't old enough to remember or were too young to really understand, wander out to the X's to touch them and/or have their picture taken. This is still a busy street and it's banked; cars come flying through the stoplight and down the hill.

Is this the event that shattered our innocence? Why this assassination? Three other presidents had been gunned down before him. How would the people's outlook on Vietnam and Watergate have been different had Dallas not happened? Would 9/11 have become the event that shattered our idealistic approach to government? Would the US have survived 9/11 without already knowing it could come through such a huge, collectively personal tragedy and still function? How can the next generations be made to understand the life changing impact caused by the death of one man?

The old Texas School Book Depository, home to the Sixth Floor Museum. You can see the open window in the sniper's nest, second floor from the top on the far right hand side.

 
Sidebar: The Sixth Floor Museum is worth a visit if you're ever in Dallas. They've done a nice job of setting the scene and taking you through the assassination and the aftermath. Prepare yourself before viewing the Zapruder film; there is a reason you can't just stumble upon it. Even though I knew what was coming and have seen edited versions countless times, I was still unprepared for the violence.

Bittersweet Reunion

I was nervous about going back to the place I had left under difficult circumstances and a lot of hurt feelings--mainly mine. The place just isn't the same for me now. Knowing what goes on behind the scenes seems to have spoiled some of the magic. Or maybe I'm still hurt, even though I am very happy in my "new" job--it's a much better fit. I've still got a lot of mixed feelings about the "old" place. I guess only time will tell. I did enjoy my visit. Things just look very different to me now.